I Will Let You Down
by Crooked Glasses
Summary: Hermione ran away from her past, but Ron and Harry won't be forgotten. Will Ron's new talents win Hermione's affection? Or will she stick with her beliefs that love is fake? R/H, a little H/G angsty
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: This is very LOSELY based on "This Lullaby" by Sarah Dessen, and all the characters belong to JK Rowling, except for the ones that I make up, which are worth nothing, so if you steal them... I really won't care   
  
Ships: R/H and maybe a bit of something else on the side, but I've not decided yet  
  
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I Will Let You Down  
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I was only home for a few minutes before I heard it again, that song, it made it kind of uncomfortable especially being with my FATHER. I've called him that as long as I can remember, even through the hard times when him and my Mum got into fights. But really, he was more of a Father then my biological one. The one that wrote the song for me when he found out I was born.   
  
I shifted uneasily trying to think of a way to get up and turn the radio off without making it look obvious.   
  
"Think I'll watch a bit of telly," I finally said jumping up.  
  
'This lullaby  
Just a simple run of chords  
Hear it  
lying here in this spare room  
I will let you down  
But this lullaby plays on...'  
  
I clicked it off. And clicked on the television. Nothing was on. I pretended to be interested in a soap opera type show, the kind that you have to see every episode to even understand it. I remember watching shows like that before getting accepted to Hogwarts, before battling dark wizards, before leaving to go back to being plain old seventeen year-old, muggle, Hermione Granger.   
  
"Hermione! Charlotte's on the phone," My mum called from the kitchen.   
  
"Hey, Herm, want to go for a coke?" Charlotte asked.   
  
"Sure," I replied.   
  
The song was still playing when I got into the car.   
  
'I will let you down' The deep voice crooned. I changed the station, annoyed. I drove on wondering why a father would write such a song. I will let you down. He had too, leaving when I was born, leaving my Mother alone until I was about three, before remarrying to my father, whom also adopted me, as his daughter. It made me angry. Every time I turned on the radio I had to hear that song, had to hear how my father didn't want me, that was why he left. Because of me. That my Mum would have to settle for someone else.   
  
I was thinking about all this as I heard the shout. A long string of enthusiastic curses. I came to a halt looking up to come face to face with the offender, a very tall guy wearing a cowboy hat and dragging a trunk behind him a trunk which I had just run into. HE had a few friends with him all who were staring at me through the windshield curiously.   
  
"Bloody muggles," One of them said shaking his head. I rolled down my window curiously. Muggles?   
  
I had my head turned looking at one of them that had on a baseball hat and round wire rimmed glasses. Round wire rimmed glasses not unlike the glasses my best friend, Harry Potter has.   
  
"You know what I just realized?" A low voice from the open window asked. "I have this feeling that, that was meant to be. A feeling that in a few minutes I'm going to find out that I'm in love with you," I whipped my head away from the familiar glasses wearing boy, back to the opened window, the boy with the cowboy hat on had his head poked through the window and was grinning. His grin fell immediately as it met my face.   
  
"Hermione?" The word was choked out.   
  
"Hi," I said taking in the face of one of the people I had run away from at the end of my seventh year. "What are you doing in muggle London?" my voice squeaked.   
  
"Found my SENSITIVE area," Ron said flatly. I remembered back at Hogwarts after the whole battle, after Harry had won....  
  
~  
  
"My whole family thinks you and I have, uh, something, and so does Harry so why can't we just-"   
  
"Ron, just because they all think that doesn't mean it's true. Besides, your not my type, we'd fight all the time and..."  
  
"What IS your type?" Ron sounded furious.   
  
"Ron, your great, really, it's just... I need a guy that's sensitive, artistic, someone who can express there feelings without ranting," I was trying not to cry at that point. Afraid he'd start yelling at me right then and there. But he didn't.   
  
"Fine." He had said and then he'd left to go find Harry....  
  
~  
  
"Oh," I said slowly, glancing at the clock in my car.   
  
"Hermione," Harry said knocking Ron out of the way and leaning through the window to give me a little hug.   
  
"Hi Harry," I said into his cheek. I was getting that feeling again, the stuck one, the one where I felt like they were trapping me in a cage. It was too hard now. I still wrote them letters constantly, but seeing them in person, the way they were now, it was hard. Everyone had changed, even me.   
  
Harry seemed sad all the time, he tried not to let on, but you could see it the depression, the fear. And Ron... We'd never gotten along REALLY well, I loved being with him in school and everything, but it was hard then, and after everything had happened, innocence lost, winning, and yet losing, it was even worse, those last few days of school, we had fought over every little thing, he was cold and cynical about everything, mostly due to lack of sleep, no one could sleep after what we'd seen. And then after a huge argument, he'd just said we should get married. And I'd had to tell him he wasn't my type and the whole bit. But I knew if I didn't leave... I'd be stuck.   
  
"I've got to meet someone, right now, I'm a bit late, but maybe I'll see you later," I said as he pulled back. Harry looked surprised, Ron looked scandalized.   
  
"We don't see you in four bloody months and your to busy to say hi?" He asked.   
  
"I DID say hi," I reminded him, "And I've written to both of you at least a letter a week." Ron ran a hand through his hair as I started to roll my window back up.   
  
"Wait!" He shouted sticking his hand in the closing gap. I rolled it back down.   
  
"Yes?" He grabbed my hand yanking a orange pen from his pocket.   
  
"Pens are amazing aren't they?" He asked as he scribbled something across the palm of my hand in between my thumb and index finger. He smiled at me raising his eyebrows as he did so and said "In case you want to call, that's our tallyphone number," His voice was superior as if having a phone was a great thing. It was almost endearing.   
  
"Telephone," I corrected pushing the button to make the window go up, he shrugged, still grinning and said "Whatever," offhandedly. I waved slightly noticing that the other two people with them were Dean and Seamus.   
  
~  
  
"So what does he look like?" Charlotte asked sitting on the back of my car. It was strange talking to Charlotte, whom I'd just gotten back in contact with a few months ago. Already it was like we'd been friends forever.   
  
"Hmm?" I asked leaning back on one hand and using the other to take another bite of the candy bar I had just bought.   
  
"This Ron Weasley guy," She persisted. I watched a bird a little ways away peck at the ground aimlessly. We had driven to the field, it had used to be an old playground she and I had played on when we were little now it was just this huge open field with a rusty set of swings and a slide that had fallen over.   
  
"He's tall-"   
  
"Always a plus,"   
  
"He's got this bed-head red hair,"   
  
"Awww,"   
  
"And sky blue eyes."   
  
"Sounds cute," She said trying to catch my eye.   
  
"He was my best friend, him and Harry, when I went to that boarding school," I explained. She nodded. I hadn't told her much about my life over the past seven years, just that I had gone to a boarding school.  
  
"So what did he say? I mean when he first saw you?" Charlotte asked. I thought back, what HAD he first said? All I had really thought about was how I had to get away, put space between us, take my life over again.   
  
The voice came back, low and playful. "You know what I just realized? I have this feeling that, that was meant to be. A feeling that in a few minutes I'm going to find out that I'm in love with you." Probably a joke that they had played with many girls. Teenage boys. You'd think by eighteen they'd grow up a bit.   
  
"I don't remember," I answered. Charlotte looked disappointed.   
  
"Well, when do I get to meet him?" She asked.   
  
"You don't WANT to meet him," I said thinking of how he'd said Tallyphone.   
  
"I haven't gotten to meet any of your school friends," She complained. "Why not just invite him to the wedding, or at least that Harry guy you told me about." My brother, or step-brother to be exact was getting married for the third time, and counting.   
  
"There probably pretty busy anyways," I lied. Knowing Ron they were probably in muggle England to hang out and pretend to be muggles.   
  
"You want to go to the under club tonight?" Charlotte asked after a lull. The under club, named so because people under twenty one could still get in, was one of Charlottes favorite places to go to meet new guys. Guys that she normally went on a few dates with about twelve tops before breaking up with them to find some new guy.   
  
"I would but I promised Ethan I'd help him with some of the wedding planning tonight. I've got to get my dress fitted.   
  
~  
  
"Hermione you have to hold still," Ethan, my brother's, bride, Lila said as the designer, an ornery lady in her late fifties, shoved pins in the back taking it in a few inches until the material was flush with my back.   
  
"I'm trying, but it is a bit low cut," I said hunching my shoulders over slightly. The dresses were a deep red, mostly plain, form-fitting cut that went to my ankles. Lila went around in front of me staring at the neckline.   
  
"You don't think it's TOO low, do you?" She asked biting her lip nervously.   
  
"Oh no, it's just, I'm not used to dresses," I said quickly. In any case it was better then his second bride Jill's bridesmaids dresses, which were shockingly pink and fairy like with a large bow covering the neckline, like a doll dress.   
  
By the time we got done with fitting, and arrangements for the rehearsal dinner the next day it was getting late. I went up to my room, which was still decorated in the pale purple I had chosen when I was ten. My last summer sleeping in that little room. I lay back on my bed trying to put all thoughts from my mind.   
  
It was harder then usual considering seeing Ron and Harry, not to mention the wedding. I kept thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't left. If I'd stayed with Harry and Ron.   
  
Would Harry have ever gotten happy? Left his depression behind? Would he ever go back to Ginny, whom he had broken up with at the end of seventh year because everything was just getting to hard to bear. Would Ron and I be married like he had said? Or even going out together? Would Ron be his light-hearted self again or just that cold cynical replica left behind?   
  
The thoughts swirled until I came to my last and only options. The one I had always clung to when things got hard, especially around the time that the dark lord had risen. I went into my closet laying down and pressing my feet against one end and my head to the other, put the headphones on and clicked the button, skipping track one and going directly to track two.  
  
'This lullaby,' The voice started slowly   
'Just a simple run of chords,' I was mouthing the words as I lay there with my eyes closed. I knew them by heart, even the parts where his voice broke, where he drew out syllables, where he clipped words short.   
  
'Hear it' I listened closely the next part the part that hur t the most but the part I had to hear, the part that made it ok.   
  
'lying here in this spare room' I sucked in a sharp breath waiting for it:   
  
'I will let you down' I could feel the hot sting behind my closed eyes. I will let you down. And he had. And everything had shifted because of it, my mother had settled for Arnold Granger, who had been a loyal father. And I had realized something, maybe I'd always known it, but I had only really admitted it recently, as we fought.   
  
That there is no such thing as real true infinite love. Either it's lovely and it's pain, or it's settling and it's comfortable. We are all just here to choose, a short painful feeling that was wonderful when it lasted, or a long tiresome commitment where neither has strong enough feelings for the other to call it love, but both are to afraid to be stuck with no one to break it off.   
  
Tears were on my cheeks by the time the song ended with a long last:  
  
'But this lullaby plays on...'  
  
I climbed back into bed and fell asleep.  
  
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There will be a lot more Ron soon and explanations to why he, Harry, Seamus and Dean are in muggle London, and just loads of other stuff which will probably be a bit obvious if you've read "This Lullaby" by Sarah Dessen, which is a WONDERUL book :)   
  
Please leave reviews, especially if you have advice since this is my first fic. 


	2. Mad Mistakes

Pre Authors Note: Thank-you all my repliers! You guys rock, I'm so happy I got ANY reviews, seeing as this is my first fic, I was afraid I'd get nothing. Your reviews are definitely appreciated!   
  
Chapter Two: Mad Mistakes   
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"Yes, yes I know, one, two, three. One, two, three," I snapped at Lila's best friend who was maid of honor. "It's not like this is my first time," I grumbled under my breath. Seriously, who DOESN'T know how to walk in weddings after two of them?   
  
"Alright then, guess we can go to the dinner," Lila said smiling brightly. I sighed nodding.   
  
We all made our way towards the cars, Ethan and Lila hand in hand.   
  
"Are you sure they'll work? Maybe hiring a DJ would be easier," Lila was saying softly. Ethan shook his head.   
  
"No, there really good, I swear, I heard them at the under club, there really good and they just got here so there looking for a few gigs," Ethan assured Lila. She had something to worry about though; my brother has very strange taste in music.   
  
"Alright," She finally gave in, smiling that bride-to-be smile and leaning her head against Ethan's shoulder. I don't really know why I was so bitter, it's just weddings were really hard for me to handle, knowing that in a few years, months in some cases, this girl, along with the rest would just join the group of ex's. I would never let that happen. But then again, I wasn't going to settle for long tiresome commitment either.   
  
I just wasn't going to do either, I give up.   
  
~  
  
"Hey, you didn't return my call yesterday," Charlotte said once we got to the dinner. I smiled apologetically.   
  
"Been a bit busy, Mum's freaking out like usual," I explained. Charlotte nodded and we went over to the back table, where we sat with Lane and Nicole, two of my other muggle friends.   
  
"You missed a great show last night at the club, there was this awesome band there, The Marders or something," Nicole said enthusiastically as I Charlotte and I sat down.   
  
"No the Mroders," Lane corrected.   
  
"That wasn't it, it was something like Moraders," Charlotte cut in, "But they were really good." Charlotte said nodding.   
  
"AND, there are FOUR of them," Nicole added winking. I rolled my eyes.   
  
"I don't think so," I mumbled.   
  
"Why not?" Lane asked.   
  
"Not in the mood for commitment, besides I'm leaving for the university in a month."   
  
"The perfect amount of time for a summer fling," Nicole said happily. I scowled at her.   
  
"Well, seriously, your never go out with anyone," Charlotte agreed.   
  
"And you all know why, because love sucks," I lectured.   
  
"I know, but you could have some fun," Nicole sang grinning.   
  
"You sound like my mother," I grumbled. Nicole said something about wishing her mother would say stuff like that to her, but I mostly ignored them and pushed the mashed potatoes we were served, around on my plate.   
  
~  
  
"Unbutton the top two buttons on your shirt," Nicole instructed once we got to the door of the under club.   
  
"Why?" I asked.   
  
"Because then Leo will let us skip the line," Nicole said unbuttoning the top three on her blouse.   
  
"There's only six people in front- five people in front of us," Lane muttered rolling her eyes.   
  
"We don't want to miss the band, especially if it's the same group who played last night," Nicole explained, although I figured she just needed an excuse to dress like a skank, not that I didn't like Nicole, she was fun and all, and agreed with me on the love thing, but she took the "love" news as more of an encouragement to mess around with guys then to stop with them altogether.   
  
"They never re-play the same band twice in a row," Charlotte said knowingly. Nicole wasn't listening though because just then Leo had called us up and opened the chain across the door for us, looking down Nicole's shirt in the process.   
  
It wasn't the same band as the night before, it was some new band called Sweet & Sour, which was basically a girl and a guy singing nasally love songs. WE were only inside for a few seconds when I found out that I was alone. Nicole was off talking to some guy, Lane was on the dance floor and Charlotte was nowhere to be seen. I sighed wandering over to the bar and wondering why I had agreed to come to the club, where I'd never really enjoyed being before.   
  
"One butterbeer," I told the bar tender,   
  
"Make that two, I'll pay," a very recognizable voice came from behind me.   
  
"Are you following me?" I asked without turning around, once the bar tender had left to get our drinks.   
  
"Not intentionally, although I would follow you intentionally, if you'd tell me where you're going once in a while," His voice said playfully. I turned around to find that he was inches away, and staring down at me with a messy grin on his face and the same ridiculous cowboy hat.   
  
"Why are you wearing that hat?" I asked.   
  
"Muggle disguise," He said in low voice, lowering his head next to my ear.   
  
"Ron, do you see anyone else wearing cowboy hats?" I asked. He looked around and then shook his head.   
  
"Then it's not really that good a disguise is it?" I used my most sarcastic and patronizing voice.   
  
"It is if your telling everyone you were born 'n raised in Texas," He drawled in a very fake accent. I rolled my eyes.   
  
"No one's going to buy that," I stated.   
  
"People already have. What no one's going to buy is that you're not happy to see me like your pretending," He said lifting one eyebrow.   
  
"I'm happy to see you, it's just... I'm kind of busy, and seeing you, it's over whelming, you know," I was starting to feel kind of guilty, after all this was the guy that had helped save my life more then once, not that I hadn't returned the favor, but still.   
  
"I know, you were afraid, He changed us, and you were afraid, so you left," His voice was getting soft now.   
  
"I'm not AFRAID," I scoffed. His lips curved into a little smile.   
  
"It's ok to be afraid, Harry... Well," He trailed off with a painful look on his face, "I mean, I'm afraid too sometimes... Although I'm afraid of different things... Spiders," He joked shuddering.   
  
"I'm not afraid," I said firmly and then added softly, "Is Harry ok?"   
  
"Well, he'll pull through, he always does. I wish Ginny would talk to him, because he won't talk to her even though I can tell he wants to. I think that would make it better," I nodded in agreement and he reached around me and grabbed two butterbeers in one of his large hands, handing me one.   
  
"So they're still not talking?" He shook his head.   
  
"I was mad about them at first, but now I'm just mad there denying what's there, like someone else I know," he stared at me pointedly. "You do remember the first thing I sad to you, before I realized it was you, right?"   
  
"Ron please-"   
  
"That was true Hermione, and you know what else I have a feeling about," He didn't wait for me to interrupt again, or even ask 'What?' he just continued, "I have a feeling your going to fall in love with me too, if you haven't already," His voice was low again and just a small smile was playing at his lips.   
  
"Has anyone ever told you your very self assured?" I asked sarcastically.   
  
"I tell myself that every day," He said with that same teasing grin. I was about to retaliate by calling him something really fowl, when someone else's voice was right behind me.   
  
"Who is this Herm?" I turned seeing that Nicole now had four buttons undone.   
  
"No one," I said quickly stepping in front of Ron as if I could hide the whole Six feet seven inches with my Five feet four inches.   
  
"I think I've seen you before are you from-"   
  
"He's no one, and we're not talking to him any longer," I said in a tight voice as I forced Nicole away from him. I could vaguely hear his voice behind me calling me back, but I wasn't listening.   
  
"But Hermione-" Nicole whined.   
  
"He's a perv," I a half-lied. I mean, Ron could be perverted SOMETIMES, so it wasn't entirely a lie.   
  
"So," She continued to whine, "I think he-"   
  
"A REALLY nasty perv," I said with major emphasis.   
  
"OH," She said shuddering, I could tell she was imagining some sort of rapist.   
  
"Look, I think I'm gonna go, wedding stuff tomorrow and all," I said Nicole didn't look too happy about it, but eventually said "ok" in a sort of defeated sounding voice.   
  
~  
  
I wasn't in a good mood when I got back home. Ethan was sitting at the dining room table when I walked in side.   
  
"Have fun clubbing?" He asked. I scowled at him. "You know what you need, what will improve your mood immensely?"   
  
"Don't say a boyfriend-"   
  
"A boyfriend," Ethan said smiling the way he always does when he knows he's annoying me, "But seriously Herm, I've got this friend-"   
  
"Eric, who would be perfect for me, I know," I droned. He'd been trying to get me to go out with this Eric guy for a few weeks now.   
  
"You just don't understand it, you have to try people before you can give up."   
  
"Oh like your trying wife's? what is this now, your fifth time?"   
  
"Third," He interrupted sourly.   
  
"Well, then, let me give you my bet, for your third wife-"   
  
"Hermione stop," Ethan demanded, but I was too angry to stop. I was angry that he said that I had given up, that he was giving me advice in something he'd already failed at twice. I was angry that everyone seemed to be giving me that same advice.   
  
"No, I don't think I will stop, I mean I was pretty close with your last wife, only a week early, guess my expectations were too, high. But I'm sure I'll win it this time. I give you six months tops, three minimum. Well, that is if she doesn't find out about your first ex dancing with you at the under club-"   
  
"Hermione-"   
  
"Don't deny it, Charlotte saw you, and I heard the message she left on the answering machine-" I only stopped because he had gotten up and was rushing past me. I turned around. Lila was standing there, tear-streaked and open-mouthed.   
  
"Damn you," He hissed at me as he rushed past. Lila ran and he chased after her, and next thing I knew, I was in the closet again.   
  
'This lullaby  
Just a simple run of chords  
Hear it  
lying here in this spare room  
I will let you down  
But this lullaby plays on...'  
  
"A lullaby doesn't make up for letting me down," I whispered into the open air and let the tears behind my eyes come out and fall to my cheeks. I clicked back and played it again. Trying to block out the yelling and crying from downstairs.   
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Hope you liked this installment! IT took me a bit to get out, but hopefully the next will come quicker. I know some of the characters or OC, but I am basing this on a book, and there's really no way to avoid the OC-ness and keep it the same story.   
Once again, this is my first fic, so if it sucks, I have an excuse :) I don't mind flames, and LOVE reviews, so drop me a note! 


	3. Corrupt Coincidence

Whoa this is a long chapter...  
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Chapter Three: Corrupt Coincidences   
  
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I woke up the next morning in my closet with my headphones still on. My back was all cramped not to mention my right leg was asleep. I got up shakily and nervously crept out of my room. I peered in Ethan's room, planning to apologize, but he wasn't there so I went downstairs, where the rest of the family, plus the ornery old dress-fitting lady, plus the maid of honor were running around like frantic doing this and that. The wedding, apparently, was still on.   
  
Ethan glared at me as I sat down at the kitchen table, I wanted to apologize right then, but by the If-You-Mention-Anything-About-Last-Night-I'll-Kill-You look n his face, I decided it wasn't a good time. Lila was there too, and she seemed to be on ok terms with Ethan, which should have made me happy, but... I wasn't.   
  
"Honey, you got something on your cheek, ink or something," My Mother said after she noticed I was up. I rubbed my cheek, before going into the bathroom to see what it was. The numbers 546 were pretty clear on my lower cheek, along with some other smeared spots. I looked down at my hand, the hand that had been pressed to my cheek all night as a pillow. The number Ron had written on my hand. I turned on the water turning the knob all the way to the maximum heat. I put my numbered hand in the water and rubbed it with my other hand and then rubbed my cheek, I watched as the ink ran off my cheek leaving it clean, then looked down at my hand. The numbers were still there, dark and clear. I tried soap, I scrubbed, I tried make-up remover, I tried spells, I tried everything I could think of but it was still there:   
  
546-2728  
Ron's Number  
  
"Maybe it's a sign," I jumped looking up. It was Charlotte.   
  
"Or maybe he used permanent marker," I said cynically.   
  
"You want to go to the place before the wedding? Lane and Nicole are going," I shrugged and said:  
  
"Why not."   
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"So what's the count for last night?" Nicole asked when Charlotte and I got there.   
  
"I had one guy buy me a drink, and we danced, but then he left, and this other guy who was really cute who was hanging around the dance floor, but not dancing, that I asked, but he said he was waiting for someone," Lane said.   
  
"I danced with a few guys, but that's mostly it," Charlotte said. They all turned and looked at me.   
  
"Nothing," I mumbled.   
  
"Liar, I saw you with that tall hottie," Nicole said grinning knowingly.   
  
"Tall pervert," I corrected.   
  
"Still," Nicole insisted.   
  
"Fine, I got one," She smiled triumphantly.   
  
"And I got seven," Nicole said proudly. We all gaped, which is probably what she wanted.   
  
"No question how," Charlotte said striking a model pose which involved hiking up her imaginary skirt and sticking out her chest. Nicole scowled.   
  
"Your just jealous."   
  
"Jealous that I have dignity? Sure am, you caught me their Nic," Charlotte said sarcastically. They generally got in little spats like that after going to the club. Mostly because Nicole was one of those thin, blonde haired, tight clothes types, and Charlotte was more the athletic, laid back whatever is comfortable type.   
  
"God, stop the dramatics already," Lane yelled after they mocked and criticized each other for a few minutes. "I'm thirsty. Let's stop at the Gas station and get some cokes."   
  
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We went to the gas station right next to the book store/Coffee shop that I worked in. We all got the regular Charlotte, got a coke and chips, Nicole, a diet coke, Lane, a diet coke and jelly beans, and me, a mars bar and regular coke.   
  
"That all?" the girl who worked there, Beatrice, asked, even though she new it was. We nodded throwing down the appropriate amount of money, which, we had memorized.   
  
"Can I help you?" Beatrice asked after we had picked up all of our stuff and were headed towards the door.   
  
"I was wondering if I could have a job application," a familiar voice asked. I turned to see Harry standing there.   
  
"Sure Hun," She said handing him one.   
  
"Hermione," He said smiling at me and walking towards us.   
  
"Harry," I replied hugging him. "How are you?"   
  
"Ok," He said forcing a smile. "I missed you, we both did, Ron and I."   
  
"Yeah, I missed you guys too." His face looked kind of solemn and he took a deep breath.   
  
"Will you call or come over or something?" He asked. I felt my stomach drop.   
  
"I can't tonight, I'm busy, but maybe tomorrow, or the day after."   
  
"Ok," He said nodding at me. It was different. It was scary. Harry had been so quiet, and withdrawn since everything. It made me feel even guiltier then I had with Ron. I kissed him on the cheek and he hugged me again and then he waved ad said he hoped he'd see me soon again. If I didn't have the wedding later, and if Charlotte and the rest hadn't been standing there watching with interest, I might have just gone with him then. But I didn't, and I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not.   
  
"And that was...?" Charlotte asked as I followed them out of the gas station.   
  
"An old friend,"   
  
"Boyfriend?" Nicole asked.   
  
"No, but if you go near him I'll kill you," I said seriously. Nicole gave me a sour look and Lane said:   
  
"He looked familiar," And then shrugged.   
  
~  
  
"You have got to stop crying," My Mom said firmly to Lila who was bawling, in one of those So-Happy-I'm-Crying ways.   
  
"It's just so, wonderful everything is just what I imagined," She sobbed. I sighed knowing that in a few months she'd be crying again for entirely different reasons. My mother patted her encouragingly on the shoulder and the other bridesmaids gathered around all in the same matching deep red dresses, patting and encouraging, and fluffing, and everything.   
  
I looked at myself in the mirror hanging in the bathroom that we were all sitting in. My hair was soft and smooth like it had been at the Yule ball in my forth year, with most of it up on top of my head but with a few tendrils ringletting down the sides of my face and the back of my neck. Someone came in to say the ceremony was starting and I went out to watch.  
  
The music started, the organ playing the same droning song that I had already heard twice before at my brother's previous weddings. Dum, dum, dee, dum. The flower girl, Lila's niece and the ring bearer one of my younger cousins, started down the aisle. Then the groomsmen came out and hooked arms with all of us bridesmaids. A particularly cheeky one pinching me in a place that made me jam my high-heeled foot on his toe.   
  
It was a nice ceremony, all of them had been, and as I watched everyone crying happily it almost made me want to cry, for entirely other reasons. Weddings just seemed so depressing. And only more, depression, I would come to find, would come later that night.   
  
~  
  
The food at the reception was good, but I didn't eat much. I kept trying to catch Ethan's eye, to see if he was still angry at me, but even sitting at the wedding party table, only two seats from him, he seemed too busy to notice me. The best man made his speech, and then the maid of honor, and then the band came out.   
  
There were four guys in the band, all wearing too big black suits with brightly colored ties. And top hats. Except for the lead singer, who was wearing a cowboy hat.   
  
"Omigod!" Nicole shouted running over to me. "It's that guy!" I was out of my seat unsure of what to do. Just staring open-mouthed at the band. I noticed the guy behind the drum-set was Harry, and Seamus was on bass, with Dean on lead guitar.   
  
And then the first notes rang out. The first notes to a sappy love song I'd heard before on the radio. And my brother and Lila walked out majestically to the floor and then this deep pure voice sang out the first words, and I was frozen.  
  
I was walking towards the stage in a daze, seemingly unaware of anything but the voice and the person it was coming from. I caught myself before I stepped onto the dance floor and just stood there my body torn against turning and running and staying and watching what Ron would do next.   
  
The song ended and the cowboy hat clad singer spoke into the microphone.   
  
"I'm Ron, the lead singer of The Marauders, and drums is my mate Harry, On bass is the Irish man Seamus, and Our lead guitarist is none other then Dean. We'd all like to congratulate the newly weds, Mr. And Mrs. Ethan Granger!" Everyone cheered and Granger seemed to echo through out the room. Ron's eyes wandering up and down the crowd.   
  
"The next dance is the mother/son father/daughter dance," He said and my Father came over and pulled me out onto the floor along with Lila and her Dad and my Mum and Ethan.   
  
Ron nodded at Dean who pulled the first note, a note I recognized so well. The beat started and I felt hot, and cold, and frozen and restless. The bass came in deepening the sound and then the voice:  
  
'This lullaby  
Just a simple run of chords...' My mom and Ethan looked over at me sheer terror on their faces, my father looked down at me sympathetically and then I ran. Straight outside only stopping when I couldn't breath. I hated myself for crying, but even more I hated myself for wanting to hear that song again. Needing to hear it. Wanting to hear it and keep it to myself, not letting anyone else know.   
  
The song was for me. All those dumb people dancing to it, listening to it, they had no idea, they didn't know that when it said 'I will let you down,' that he meant it. That he was letting me down every day of my life. They didn't know that the lullaby not only played on, but never ended. That nightmare of a song haunted me, telling me that I would be let down my entire life, from everything, and there was no avoiding it.   
  
I started walking back afraid my mother would get worried about me, and hoping she hadn't tried to follow me. His voice still rang in my ears. His beautiful voice, that he had never let me hear in any way other then a yell, or a joke, or a sneer. His beautiful voice that was hurting me.   
  
I leaned against the brick wall between two dumpsters, wondering what everyone inside was doing, when the band came out for their break.   
  
"God we have got to stop doing weddings and get some real gigs like, that club, that was cool, we could actually do our real songs, instead of using other peoples stuff," Deans voice said as he slumped into a chair that was set up next to a card table, that had some food on it. Seamus went over and they started talking animatedly about the Shitty-ness of performing at weddings.   
  
Ron and Harry wandered further out, walking right past the first dumpster, I leaned back as far as I could crouching down, and hoping they wouldn't see me in the shadow. They kept walking and past the second dumpster, stopping on the other side.   
  
"Did you see her? How she ran?" His low beautiful voice asked. I figured Harry had replied but not loud enough for me to hear.   
  
"Do you think she ran because she realized it was us?" Another reply, from Harry that I couldn't make out and then Ron hit the side of the dumpster hard enough to make it roll slightly, squishing me between the two. I strained my hearing wondering what he'd say next, but no voice came and next thing I saw he was walking in front of the two dumpsters and toward Dean and Seamus. Harry followed, only when they the others called and told him that the break was over. He wandered out in front of me slowly, tossing something into the garbage, I didn't breath, afraid for him to spot me. He did.   
  
"Hermione? What are you doing back there?"   
  
"Came for some air," I half-lied.   
  
"We were worried when we saw you run," He said sweetly.   
  
"I'm ok. Your in a band?" I asked.   
  
"Well, Ron can sing, but he's the only one with real talent, the rest of us just charmed our instruments, it's mostly just for fun, and money," He said as I squeezed out from between the dumpsters.   
  
"He'll never give up now," Harry said slowly.   
  
"What?" I asked.   
  
"Now that we've found you, he'll never give up," Harry said before Dean came out and yelled:   
  
"Oy! Harry, what's taking you? You taking a piss out there or something?" He gave me a smile and then went inside with a little wave.   
  
~   
  
"Are you ok?" Charlotte asked once I had gone inside again. I nodded. "I can't believe she requested THAT song!" Charlotte said glaring at Lila who was completely oblivious.   
  
"Maybe she didn't know," I suggested.   
  
"Well, don't you think Ethan would check on the song list?"   
  
"To tell you the truth I kind of doubt he would check, he probably just let Lila control it," I said seriously.   
  
"Still," Charlotte said. I smiled slightly, it was nice to have someone to be mad at Lila so I didn't have to be the one. Nice to have a friend who was illogical at all the right times, my automatically went up to Ron's, he was watching me from where he stood, singing. For a second I wished things hadn't changed between us, I wished he could still be the illogical friend who was only that.   
  
"This is the band we were telling you about, the Moraders," Charlotte said seeing where I was looking.   
  
"Marauders," I corrected before I thought twice. Charlotte gave me a questioning look.   
  
"I talked to them, outside," I explained, Charlotte nodded.   
  
"You know, I was thinking, about how you described that friend of yours, Ron? Yeah, well how you described him, kind of reminds me of the lead singer." I froze. I don't know why it was so important for me to keep it secret that, that WAS Ron, but some reason it was.   
  
"I guess maybe a little, but the Ron I know is much more..." I struggled to find a lie that sounded like it could be somewhat true, "Well, Ron would never sing in public, ever, at least not the one I know," that was true, I'd never known Ron to sing, anytime, let alone in front of hundreds of people.   
  
"Why won't you let me meet him? You've been talking about Ron and Harry, ever since you got back, and now there here and it's like... Well, I don't know, it's weird," Charlotte was trying to catch my eye at this point.   
  
"I left school early, I didn't even stay for graduation ceremonies, to get away from them. From that life. I don't want to be the same Hermione I was back then," I whispered  
  
"Her-mi-on-EE" Charlotte whined. I ignored her purposely. "Fine, I'm going home with Nicole and Lane, stop by later if you can." I nodded to her, knowing I wouldn't stop by, not tonight.   
  
~  
  
"We're going to get back home, can you get a ride with Gram and Gramps?" My Mother asked as the wedding was coming to an end and we were all helping clean up, as the band packed up. I considered going right then, just in case, to avoid any awkward moments between me and the band, but decided against it as I saw my Dad pull the car up to the curb, the whole back was jammed full of wedding gifts.   
  
"Sure," I said forcing a smile and turning to go find Gram and Gramps, it only took me about ten minutes to find them, or at least find out where they were (back at the hotel already)   
  
"Shit," I cursed lightly under my breath.   
  
"Hermione Granger cursing?" A familiar voice asked behind me.   
  
"I'm stranded, everyone left without me," I explained without turning around, I walked over to the nearest table, ready to sit down and think about the situation, think of someone that could take me home. I could tell he was following me, Ron wasn't a soft walker, he was a bit of a clomper, not to mention the fact that his shoes were untied and made a little tap-tap noise on the hard wood floors.   
  
I sat down and he ended up sitting directly in front of me, leaning across the table and staring at me as if waiting.   
  
"What?" I asked, a bit sharply.   
  
"Waiting for you to ask," He said, with a twinkle in his eye, he leaned forward resting his chin on his hand, still staring, still with that black cowboy hat on.   
  
"To ask what?" I demanded although I already knew what he meant.   
  
"To ask for a ride,"   
  
"Oh, I don't need you to give me a ride, I'll just have..." I looked around; the whole place was deserted, except for a janitor here, or there.   
  
"Come on," He said standing up and grabbing my hand, I pulled it away. "Hermione, please, can we try and be adults about this?" He said in a very Percy-ish way. I narrowed my eyes at him and his stern face broke into a grin. "Let me give you a ride, so we can talk."   
  
"Ron-"   
  
"Look, I'm not going to jump you or something, Harry, and dean and Seamus will be there," He said with a hopeful look on his face. I sighed standing up. His face exploded with happiness and he reached for my hand again, I pulled it back giving him a stern look, which he shrugged off. We walked outside in silence, just in time to see a white van pull away.   
  
"Damn," Ron hissed taking off the hat and running a hand through his hair, an obvious sign that something bad was happening.   
  
"What?" I asked.   
  
"That van, that was my ride," He said shaking his head with an I-Can't-Believe-This grin on his face.   
  
"Great, now what are we supposed to do?" I asked.   
  
"Well, we could walk to my place, and then I could take you home from there, it's not very far." I considered this,   
  
'He'll never give up now,' echoed in my ears. To Ron's place... He'd take me home, alone in his car...   
  
"Actually, I think I'll just call a taxi," I muttered.   
  
"Ok, he said nodding. It surprised me, I had expected him to put up a bit more of a fight, but he just nodded, put his hat back on, tipped it at me like the cowboys in old movies always did, and then started walking as a waved for a taxi to stop.   
  
As we drove away I couldn't help but stare after him down that street,   
  
'He'll never give up now,'   
  
Never.   
  
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Thanks for the constructive criticism, I DID mean "foul", not, "fowl" also thanks for the people that reviewed, reviews are nice to get, especially because I put a lot of work into these chapters. It's nice to know SOMEONE is reading them, so if you are reading this and not replying PLEASE leave a review, even if you think it sucks! And if you already have reviewed, thanks! And you can review again! I won't mind :) 


	4. Crucial Changes

I'm glad my Ron and Hermione aren't TOO OC for you guys! :) Thanx for reading!   
  
Chapter 4: Crucial Changes  
'He'll Never give up now....' Harry's words still echoed as I woke up, I'd been a bit nervous about them, that night after he'd said them, expecting to see Ron bright and early the next morning. But I didn't, I didn't see him the day after the wedding, or the day after that, or after that, and eventually the fear of seeing him seeped out of my memory the way water seeps out of cupped hands. All that remained was the voice, Harry's voice, echoing still as a warning.   
  
"You have to come, there playing tonight, and I know that if your with us then they'll let us backstage," That was the first thing Nicole said to me when I answered my phone.   
  
"I can't," I said, for once thankful that my brother and Lila were coming home that evening, and that my mother had made me promise I'd take them for dinner, because she and my father were obligated to a business meeting and couldn't make it.   
  
"Don't give me that crap, you know you can, and you are, I don't care if you think the lead singer who was hitting on you is a perv, he's the lead singer of the MORADERS!"   
  
"Marauders," I corrected once again out of habit, luckily Nicole was too overcome by her own thoughts to hear the correction and question it. "No, really Nicole, I wish I could, but I promised I'd go with my brother and Lila out to dinner tonight."   
  
"What about afterwards?" Nicole was starting to sound desperate, her master plan wasn't working.   
  
"They're getting in around nine o'clock. By the time we eat and talk about all the stuff they did, and are going to do, it'll be about eleven-"   
  
"That's not too late!" Nicole jumped in.   
  
"It is if you have to work at six o'clock the next morning all the way until noon," I could here Nicole on the other end sighing exaggeratedly, and thinking up her next argument.   
  
"Alright... But can you give me his number? The lead singer?"   
  
"Maybe, look, I have to get ready for work right now, so I'll talk to you later. Tell the others I won't be able to make it,"   
  
"I don't have to tell them, you never make it to the club anyways," Nicole said sourly, before muttering bye and hanging up with a "click"   
  
I yanked on my uniform, a white button up, with a red vest over it with "Never Ending Cup," embroidered of a little picture of a teacup, and knee-length black skirt. I yanked my hair up into a ponytail, and then, done what I'd been trying to do the past four and a half days and tried to wash that stupid phone number off my hand. I figured it was jinxed or something, but it was unusual that I couldn't find a spell to get it off.   
  
"I'm leaving Mum," I shouted as I grabbed my car keys and went out into the garage.   
  
~  
  
Work was slow at the Never Ending Cup. I spent most the time sitting in the back with Nell, a forty year-old actress wannabe, and Roy, the cook, who was thirty and flirted with everyone, despite age.   
  
"Customer out front," Roy said as Nell and I talked about the newest flick at the cinema.   
  
"I'll take it," I said to Nell getting up and walking out front. The first thing I saw was the baseball cap. I sighed, at least it wasn't him. I stepped forward asking in the typical over cheery voice,   
  
"Can I help you?" Only to look at what was under that hat, and nearly get sick. "Oh it's you," My voice dropped, from overly cheery, to overly annoyed. He grinned wildly, something I was getting quite used to.   
  
"Harry told me he saw you come out of here in uniform," He said grinning, "Love a women in a uniform," I glared at him. "Harry works at the gas station right next to this place, he just started yesterday," He explained.   
  
"Good for him," I mumbled monotonely.   
  
"I'm looking to get a job too, but there not hiring here, I already asked. So I'm thinking the one-hour-photo place next door,"   
  
"Does this visit have a point?" I broke in sharply.   
  
"I want you to come see us tonight, we're performing at the under club-"   
  
"I can't,"   
  
"Hermione, please, look, I just want to talk," His smile was gone and now he had a serious look on his face.   
  
"No seriously, my brother and his wife are getting back tonight, I promised I'd take them to dinner," I stated matter-of-factly.   
  
"What about afterwards?"   
  
"It'll go pretty late, and I have to work tomorrow morning-"   
  
"Hermione, we miss you, Harry and I both do, why don't you call?" I was getting the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach again. Like I was betraying my best friends. But then I reminded myself he didn't want to see me as a best friend, he had other things in mind.   
  
"I'm not supposed to talk to friends while I'm working," I said after a second. He rolled his eyes and took off the baseball cap, which I noticed said "Texas" on the front.   
  
"I'll see you tomorrow then," He said forcing back one of those smiles waving with the tips of his fingers and walking out the door with that stupid baseball hat swinging from his hand.   
  
~  
  
"Really it's all been just so perfect, first the wedding was dreamlike and then the honeymoon," Lila gave my brother a sidelong glance that made my stomach turn. "Of course that song thing was a little stain, but you can't have anything perfect can you?"   
  
I stared at her. song thing? Was she talking about THE song? Or just the music in general. I suddenly felt strangely defensive.   
  
"What music thing?" Ethan cleared his throat loudly with panicked look on his face as Lila replied.   
  
"Well, I mean you getting so worked up over that song, not that it's your fault, I mean, I knew it was written for you when I chose it, but I didn't think you were so emotional about it." I choked on my ice water.   
  
"Emotional?" I asked.   
  
"Well, you have to admit, it was a bit childish to run out like that, I mean, honestly," I know she didn't mean for it to sound so arrogant, but I couldn't help how mad she was making me.   
  
"But we don't blame you," Ethan put in quickly. I looked at him, shocked.   
  
"You don't BLAME me?" I sputtered.   
  
"Well, running out was selfish, especially on our wedding day. But we're not mad at you, I guess that's what we're trying to say," Lila was grinning as if she were the bloody good Samaritan.   
  
"It was selfish of ME to get a little shaken up, because you used MY song, the only thing my real father ever left me?" I was getting a little loud at this point and breathing rabidly.   
  
"Well, Hermione, really, it's not like it's really YOUR song," Lila said as if I were some sort of mistaken child.   
  
"It is! It IS MY SONG!" I yelled, "He wrote it for ME!"   
  
"Hermione," Ethan said grabbing my hand as I tried to stand up.   
  
"Don't touch me!" I yelled ripping my hand away. "You betrayed me, I told you how much that song meant to me! You were the only one I ever told! I haven't even told my best friends!"   
  
"Hermione, I'm sorry, but someday your going to have to face up to the fact that other people listen to it too," Ethan's voice was calm and steady in an infuriating way.   
  
"What the hell happened to you?" I asked angrily, "Since when did you become Mr. Wisdom? Since when did the wishes of your slut become more important than your sister?" I was being entirely unfair at this point and I knew it, but I couldn't help but feel totally betrayed. Ethan knew about the closet nights, he had come into my room once when I was in the closet and I had told him the whole thing, he was the only one, the only one that knew. The only one I had told about You-Know-Who, the only one I had told about my life of people constantly letting me down, of the paranoia that not only were everyone around me who claimed they loved me letting me down, but that I was letting myself down. He was the only one that agreed with my views on love, the only one who had promised themselves never to get involved with anyone seriously, ever.   
  
That had, of course changed after the first wedding, the love part, that it, but everything else had stayed the same, he had protected me from my doubts, from the haunting of the song. And now, he too had let me down, my last hope.   
  
~  
  
I had yelled a whole bunch of stuff about how they were going to break-up in a few months anyways, and how he had betrayed me for a three-month-fling, and a bunch of other foul things. And now, now I was at the under club, and I was drinking.   
  
The others didn't even know I was there, Charlotte, Nicole and Lane. I had gone straight to the bar, gotten six drinks, for my "friends" and then taken them back to the very corner table.   
  
I was about halfway through the fifth one when I saw her. The girl that had come in here after fleeing from her past school two days before, the girl whose life had been shattered, the girl who had seen death in many sick and disgusting ways, the girl that was corrupt and had no faith left in anything. I saw her walking through the door and drowning her cold memories in drinks.   
  
I could feel the hot sting behind my eyes. I didn't want to be that girl again, I watched as the club started to empty out, watching the clichés, the groups of giggly girls just old enough to get in, the typical womanizer with several girls dressing his arms, the old drunks who stumbled in from work and stumbled in from being soused. I watched as my own friends left wiping their foreheads after lots of dancing, and comparing who had the best luck. I got up after the fifth one, feeling lightheaded. I stumbled through the crowd feeling as though I were in some parallel universe where everything moved sporadically at strange instances.   
  
I ran headlong into a large man with a burly look about him. He grabbed me looking down at me with two heads and a amused look on his faces.   
  
"Well 'ello little la-deee," He slurred pulling me towards him and letting his hands slide down my back. I tried aimlessly to pull away, or step on his foot or something, but my aim, was off and I came closer o kicking myself then actually hitting him. Finally I grabbed my wand from my pocket muttering a quick stun, and then waking him up again so as not to draw notice, but we did draw notice.   
  
"Bitch!" He screeched. And I could seeing Leo, the security guard that normally handled the door come towards us.   
  
"What's going on?" He asked threateningly.   
  
"This bitch punched me or something," The burly man slurred glaring at me.   
  
"That true?" Leo asked, grabbing onto my arm as if to restrain me. I looked up at him to drunk to say anything of sense, as burly man showed Leo the bruise growing on his cheek. "Looks like we're going to have to take you in for fighting-" Leo started but was cut off when a low, and worried voice called:   
  
"Louisa! Louisa!" Ron broke through the crowd, cowboy hat on head and hugged me to him whispering: "Just play along," In my ear before letting me go. "What's going on officer?" He asked in his artificial twang.   
  
"Well, looks as though this young lady got into a fight with this man," Leo explained. Ron contorted his worried expression into one of shock and disbelief.   
  
"I don't believe it! My Sweet little wife Louisa? Brawling the night of our honeymoon? Why she wouldn't hurt a dern fly on one o' our horses backs," He twanged proudly. "If you ask me this man here's got the wrong woman, maybe one two many drinks." Leo considered this looking at burly man's, red face, and drooling mouth.   
  
"Suppose so, sorry about the inconvenience," He muttered Ron nodded.   
  
"No problem, sir, just doin' yer job," Ron said tipping his hat, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the bar with him. I yanked away once we were out the door and started walking as quickly as I could.   
  
"Hermione! Come on, I saved your ass!" Ron called after me. I could hear him following me and I tried to pick up the pace, leaving me hitting the pavement with a "thump!" and a whimper.   
  
I was sobbing, and I couldn't help it. All the thoughts of the night rushed into each other in my head like a massive car crash. Ethan letting me down, me letting me down. The clichés that I never fit into. The friend I had deserted. Everything.   
  
"Shhhh," Came the low hiss in front of me. I looked up and all I saw were two blue eyes looking back, two blue eyes reflecting everything I needed, sympathy, stability, hope, kindness... and love.   
  
~  
  
I woke up with a lump in my back, I figured I was in my closet and it was a shoe, that had happened before, I reached underneath my back and yanked the hard think out, it was a shoe, but it wasn't mine. I sat up straight looking around me, the room was dim, but even in the dim light I could see that it was extremely messy. The shoe was large, like a man's shoe. And then I heard the voice, a long low voice:   
  
'This lullaby  
Just a simple run of chords  
Hear it  
lying here in this spare room  
I will let you down  
But this lullaby plays on...'  
  
A memory sunk into my mind, I was sitting there on the curb crying, sobbing, thinking of everything and then I had looked up into those eyes, those beautiful blue eyes. One of us had made the move, one of us had reached out and touched the other one, and embraced the other one, one of us had done it, and I had tried to clamp off my memory, afraid to find out who it was. Afraid to see if he had taken advantage of me in my drunken state, or if I had given in.   
  
The memory wouldn't stop though, and I watched as I looked into those eyes and then leaned forward laying my head against that strong chest. I had done it. He hadn't touched me until I had done it.   
  
I put my head in my hands. Not believing that I had given in, that I had let him comfort me when I was vulnerable. I looked down under the sheets, seeing that apparently, that was all he had done, comforted me, I mean. It was still too much. Being in debt to someone it the worst place to be in my opinion. And this was even worse, considering there was a good chance I had puked on his at some point the night before. I got up quickly, knowing I had to get out before he came in to see if I was up. I ran to the window, where a large collection of snow globes were lined up. Seriously who over the age of ten collects snow globes? I knocked them off the windowsill, popping the screen out of the window. I was about to jump when I got that guilty pang in my stomach. I had to do something. I got down from the window and went over to the bed, first pulling the blankets down and ridding the bed of two miss-match socks, a guitar pick, a chocolate frog wrapper, and a tennis ball, and then pulling the blankets back up and making the bed hotel style.   
  
It was a bit tacky, but the best I could do considering that now I could here them talking in the next room over and the name "Hermione" had been used more hen three times. I grabbed the cell phone off of the table and went to the window.  
I nervously perched on the sill, jumped out, and ran down the street non-stop until I was out of sight of the tiny shack-like house, then I pulled out the phone and called Charlotte, who came to pick me up.   
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Yay! 7 reviews! I'm glad you guys like the story even if I haven't given you all of Hermione's background yet. More of that will come later, I promise! 


	5. Right Realizations

Chapter 5: Right Realizations  
  
It wasn't easy escaping Charlotte and her questions, or my Mum's who wasn't very happy that I hadn't come home. Mum was easier though, seeing as I just had to say that I had spent the night at Charlotte's and forgot to call.   
  
I was on my bed before I let any of the thoughts that had been attacking me in His bed, rush back into my mind. I had a massive headache, probably due to the night before, and these questions really weren't helping, but I couldn't make them go away, especially not the look. The look in his eyes right before I had given in, the look that had probably, plus my drunken state, made me give in.   
  
I was thinking about this when it happened. When a large body, went flying through my window, and landed with a loud thump on the floor. I sat up leaning over the side of the bed and wondering if I was still drunk. I wasn't, I found out when I saw that the person lying on my bedroom floor had ginger bed-head hair.   
  
"You could have at least said good-bye," His muffled voice said. I was stunned. I couldn't think of anything to say, I really hadn't expected this. Finally all the words circling around my head let some spill out and I muttered:   
  
"Are you ok?" He sat up, rubbing his knee, and grinned at me.   
  
"I meant to land on the bed next to you, but jumping from that tree branch, I over-estimated," He explained and I saw it again. The look. I guess I sort of blame the look for what happened next, and maybe my raging headache, and the fact that I still felt a little guilty.   
  
He was climbing onto my bed to make his departure back out the window, and it just happened. He was standing on my bed leaning out the window when I just grabbed his hand, and he turned and looked at me, and, then all of the sudden he was kneeling next to me on my bed, and I was grabbing the back of his head, and then our eyes were closing... It wasn't a long kiss or anything, just soft and sweet in a very un-Ron like way that was some how, at the same time, incredibly Ron like.   
  
No one said anything for a long time after we pulled apart, we just looked at each other. That look.   
  
"This can't happen," My voice was high and hoarse.   
  
"Why not?" He asked in a low whisper.   
  
"I don't date musicians, or chasers," It sounded petty coming out like that, and by the look on his face I could tell he thought it was petty.   
  
"Why not?" He asked again with strained, artificial calmness.   
  
"When they chase you, once you give in, they'll be bored," I explained in the same strange tone.   
  
"I'll never be bored of you, after seven years, you should know that..." He trailed off waiting for me to explain the rest of my qualifications.   
  
"I can't date musicians," I started slowly, "Because..." I was breathing hard and knew I couldn't finish. Not yet. Ron seemed to notice my feelings because his hand went to my shoulder and he ran his hand over it comfortingly.   
  
"Can we be friends?" He asked slowly. I looked at him slightly surprised.   
  
"We ARE friends," I said.   
  
"Friends don't avoid each other," His voice rumbled seriously.   
  
"I'm sorry... We can be friends," And I knew that I meant it, it wasn't a hollow promise like I had made to Harry about coming to see him, about calling him, about talking to him. This was for real. His face lightened up a little and he got up giving me the same tip-of-the-finger wave he had given the night of the wedding and he exited out the window.   
  
~  
  
I was still thinking about my promise to Ron as I showed up to work, late.   
  
"So what the hell happened?" Charlotte asked once I stepped inside. I sighed rubbing my eyes and trying to shake off the headache that was still lingering.   
  
"It's a long story," I murmured.   
  
"I've got plenty of time," Charlotte insisted. I wasn't biting, I don't know why but this sort of thing just seemed to private, especially when it was about Ron and I. "Come on Herm, you HAVE to tell! I mean you bad-talk dating for months, ever since you got back from that private school, and then you ask me to pick you up a block away from some guy's house? Not only SOME guys house, but if I remember correctly, Nicole and Lane said something about seeing you with the lead singer of the Marauders!" She was practically shrieking now.   
  
"It's not what it sounds like," I finally said, in a tone that was a bit flat.   
  
"Elaborate," She instructed, and now I noticed that Nell and Roy were lingering annoyingly close.   
  
"I got a bit sick, and he took me back to his place for a lie down. Nothing happened, we're just friends," I finally gave in. Nell and Roy looked a bit put-down by this but Charlotte still had that same twinkle in her eye.   
  
"His name wouldn't happen to be Ron, would it?" I swallowed unnaturally hard.   
  
"Maybe," the word slipped out before I could instruct my brain not to let it out. She squealed and Nell and Roy's heads both appeared peaking through the doorway that leads into the kitchen.   
  
"Hold on," Charlotte finally said, a strange look of realization forming on her face, "Does that mean that your best friend from school is lead singer of The Marauders?" I nodded.   
  
"You HAVE to introduce me!" She squealed even louder.   
  
~  
  
"Can we be friends?" His voice was still echoing through my head, as I explained the happenings of the night before to Nell, leaving out a few key parts: Aka. Me kissing Ron, and the whole look thing, and basically all the important stuff.   
  
"Can we be friends?" It continued to echo as I made cappuccinos for a group of teens that seemed to be cutting class.  
  
"Can we be friends?" The words sang as I waved to Roy and Nell, and the newest waitress Lena.   
  
"Can we be friends?" It continued as I walked out to my car.   
  
"Can we be friends?" It asked as I glanced up at the tall red-haired Ron Weasley leaning against my car.   
  
"Hey," I muttered as if we were back at Hogwarts and nothing extraordinary had happened at all. He nodded in response, taking a long gulp from a paper cup with a straw, the kind you get at fast-food places.   
  
"I just got a job at the one-hour-photo, with Dean," He said tilting his head to the building next to the one I had just exited.  
  
"Do you even know what a one-hour-photo is?" I asked skeptically.   
  
"Do now," He said grinning. "Dean does the hard stuff, you know, in the back room, I just work the counter," He raised an eyebrow amusedly.   
  
"Nice," I muttered.  
  
"I was going to work at the gas station with Harry, but they wouldn't hire me," He said sighing.  
  
"Why is that?" I asked.   
  
"That's for me to know, and you to wonder about," He said grinning. I shrugged going over to the driver's side of the car, unlocked it and got in. Ron bent over peering through the passenger side window, he tapped on the window. I rolled it down for him and he popped his head inside.   
  
"Hey, can you give me a ride?" He asked. I was on the verge of saying yes when he pulled a hamburger out of his paper bag and took a bite.   
  
"No food in my car," I said firmly, glancing at the spotless interior.   
  
"Oh come on," He moaned sticking out his bottom lip like a small child. "Either that or I have to walk, or find a secluded place and apperate, but riding in cars is way more fun."   
  
"No food-"   
  
"I know, I know, no food in your car, I understand that, but can't you make an exception for your old FRIEND Ron?" He asked. I sighed knowing I had to, if I wanted to escape more flying-over-bed-attacks. I leaned over to unlock the door but he just pulled it open. I stared at the lock, which was already undone.   
  
"Alohamora, before you came out, just incase you forgot that we're friends," He explained grinning. I rolled my eyes.   
  
"Keep the food in the bag," I ordered as he pulled a handful of French Fries from his bag. He scowled at me before dropping them back in.   
  
"You got really tight after you left didn't you?" He asked.   
  
"What do you mean?" I asked still staring at the road in front of me.   
  
"Well, Harry and I had you pretty loose those last few years of school, but now," He made a high-pitched squeaking noise and snapped his fingers. I turned glancing at him.   
  
"Which way do I turn?" I asked flatly.   
  
"What, you don't remember from when you spent the night?" He asked raising an eyebrow. "Left."   
  
I turned sharply making him slam into the door of the car. He sat up rubbing his shoulder and was quiet for a while. I kept a watch on him out of the corner of my eye, as he tried to sneak a French frie. I smacked his arm and he dropped it back in the bag scowling.   
  
"Your obsessive, did you know that?" He asked.   
  
"At least I'm sane," I countered.   
  
"The world is not perfect and clean Hermione, that's what you need to realize, you need to realize the unevenness of everything, the way that nothing is perfectly symmetrical to anything else," His voice was getting louder and more enthusiastic as he spoke, "Everything is out of the ordinary if you look at it truly. Cleanliness is a myth!" I turned and glared at him.   
  
"Could you be quiet, I'm trying to dr-"   
  
"HERMIONE!" He yelled all of the sudden pointing straight ahead. I whipped my head back to the road to see that I was in the wrong lane, and a truck was heading right for me. I swerved jerkily, ending up in the right lane once again, after a series of loud honks.   
  
When I looked back at Ron to glare at him there was a single French frie sitting on the dashboard.   
  
"Embrace the fact that nothing is perfect, and love the chaos of life," He said loudly. I glared at him picking up the greasy fried potato, rolled down my window and threw it out.   
  
"Ooooh Hermione littered, Hermione's ba-ad," Ron sang grinning and stuffing another French frie in his mouth. I glared at him, grabbed the bag from his hand and threw it out the window too. He stared at me shocked.   
  
"I can't believe you did that! You owe me big time!" He shouted incredulously.   
  
"I'm driving you home, that's my pay-back," I muttered flatly.   
  
"No way, you owe me something way bigger," He insisted, crossing his arms over his chest, and sinking down into the chair.   
  
"Oh God, don't sit there and pout," I yelled.   
  
"I'm not pouting," Ron, mumbled in a sulky voice, as if he were ten years old or something.   
  
"I'm never giving you a ride again," I hissed angrily.   
  
"You know," He said sitting up and getting that same stupid lopsided grin on his face again.   
  
"What?" I asked exhaustedly.   
  
"Being with you is like having a crush on a teacher," I turned and gave him a look, which he just countered with, "Are you going to punish me Mione?"   
  
~  
  
Harry, Seamus and Dean were sitting outside on the porch of the house I had snuck out of earlier that morning; it was a yellow house, roughly the colour of a banana that was just starting to get brown spots. They all started clapping as we drove up the driveway. Ron jumped out giving a deep and then ran around to the driver's side of the car as I was pulling out. He pulled out his wand yelling "Alohamora" at the door, and yanked it open.   
  
"Come on, say hi to everyone at least," He begged.   
  
"Look, I drove you home, isn't that good enough," I asked. He ignored this reply grabbing my hand and trying to pull me out of the car, thus making me lean forward, which lead to me hitting the gas really hard and almost running into the house, Ron running by the side still holding my hand. I hit the break just in time, and turned off the ignition sighing, that was the second time I'd almost killed myself in the car in one day.   
  
I let Ron pull me out of the car and yank me up the steps of the porch. I let Harry hug me, and Seamus and Dean too. I even let Ron introduce me to the dog he had found two days ago, which he had named Chudley, in tribute to his favorite quidditch team. And all the time this was going on, I knew it was happening, but somehow I couldn't make it stop, I was getting stuck again, stuck between the people I loved and the life I wanted. The life where I was normal, where I didn't have to worry.  
  
~  
  
"I can't believe you actually got her to drive you home," Dean said shaking his head as they all walked me back to my car.   
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked narrowing my eyes at Ron who was making a swift motion with his hand across his neck, the way people do when they want you to shut-up.   
  
"Well we all got off work at the same time, see Harry and I work at the gas station and Dean and Ron work at the One-hour-Fodo," Seamus explained.   
  
"Photo," Dean corrected.   
  
"And we were getting ready to leave, you know, when Ron jumped out of the van and said he was going to get you to drive him home," Harry ended. I looked at Ron who was pretending to be very interested in something on Chudley's head.   
  
"Ron!" I shouted and he looked up as if he hadn't heard anything we had just said.   
  
"You had a ride and you made ME drive you home?" I asked incredulously. He shrugged.   
  
"Wanted to see if you were serious about not avoiding me," He said and the others all seemed to look more interested.   
  
"I said it didn't I?" I asked lowering my voice slightly.   
  
"Yeah, but I wasn't sure if you said it cause you meant it, or if you said it cause you thought you owed me after that kiss."   
  
After that I pretty much died. I walked silently in this stunned way to my car, with all of them following me and shooting me questions and Ron following looking guilty and trying to give me these apologetic looks, which I glared at. I hugged Harry again as I got into the car and pulled away.   
  
I was trapped.   
  
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Thanks for my reviewers and sorry this one took longer to get out. Hope you like it. 


	6. Terrible Truths

Chapter 6: Terrible Truths  
  
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I woke up in the closet the next morning with Ethan leaning over me.   
  
"What?" I asked half-asleep but still conscious to be angry at him. He bit his bottom lip.   
  
"I wanted to talk to you," He muttered. I sat up.   
  
"Ok," I said he sighed.   
  
"I'm sorry about the other night. But Lila just doesn't understand like I do. I didn't even know she was still going to play that song after I told her it was yours," His voice was soft the way a big brother's should be, but I was still angry at him.   
  
"Why did you tell her? Why didn't you just say you didn't like the song or something?" I asked. He sighed biting his lip again.   
  
"I did tell her that at first, but she kept saying it was one of her favorites and all, and I thought she'd understand,"   
  
"She obviously didn't," I muttered harshly. Ethan shifted his weight uneasily.   
  
"You have to look at it from her point of view. I mean first you yelling at me about dancing with Lana, and then running out of the reception hall because of the song, she sort of thought you were mad I was getting married and looking for attention," He explained. I glared at him.   
  
"Why should I care that you got married? You've already done it three times, don't you think she'd know I was used to it by now?" I asked flatly.   
  
"Hermione, come on, don't be like this," He said as I turned my back on him.   
  
"Is all this why you're in the closet?" He asked.   
  
"Sort of," I murmured.   
  
"Sort of? Did something else happen?" He asked concerned. He reminded me of Harry in a way, when he got brotherly like this, why couldn't Ron be brotherly?   
  
"The band, I know them," I said slowly.   
  
"Did you meet them at the under club?" He asked I turned and looked at him.   
  
"Don't you remember them? The lead singer at least? He came to pick me up every summer since I was like thirteen," it came out a bit harsher then I had wanted it to.   
  
"You mean he went to Hogwarts?" Ethan asked surprised.   
  
"They all did!" I yelled tears stinging the back of my eyes.   
  
"But the lead singer, he's from Texas," Ethan said slowly. I rolled my eyes.   
  
"He's Ron Weasley," I hissed as if Ethan were dense or something. "Harry Potter was at the drums, and the other two were also guys I know from Hogwarts."   
  
"The Harry Potter and Ron Wealsey that you ra-"   
  
"I didn't run away from them, I ran away from their life," I broke in before he could say it. "And they came to find me,"  
  
"You don't have to be friends with them, things change Hermione. Just tell them to lea-"  
  
"Ethan, I can't do that," I interrupted in a shuddery voice. He looked at me in that sympathetic big-brother way Harry always did when I was in the middle of a fight with Ron.   
  
"If you want to, I can talk to them," He offered. I shook my head slowly.   
  
"It's ok, I'm going to the university in a few months anyways. I'll figure this out," I mumbled standing up and running a hand through my tangles of curls. He nodded kissing me on the top of the head before backing out of my room.   
  
I leaned back on my bed sitting against my pillow and laying my head against the wall. I could just picture him standing up on my bed, leaning towards the window, and then... I had grabbed him.   
  
What had made me do it?   
  
The question just wouldn't leave me alone. A nagging question always at the back of my mind. I tried contenting myself with the fact that I had a whirling headache, but even though it was a good excuse on the surface deep-down...   
  
"Hermione!" My mother's voice yanked me out of thought. "Someone's at the door!" I shuddered nervously getting this bad feeling that the someone at the door was tall with red hair. I pulled a bathrobe around me and slowly descended down the steps in nervous anticipation.   
  
"Hermione?" It was Harry's voice coming from the door. I suddenly realized that I wasn't breathing, and let out a long sigh of relief.   
  
"Hi Harry," I said walking past my smiling mother to hug him.   
  
"Hi, um, I just wanted to come over, you know, to say hi, and maybe talk," He said nervously eyeing someone behind me. I glanced over my shoulder at a murderous looking Ethan. I rolled my eyes at him and he shrugged.   
  
"Yeah, come on up to my room," I said waving him after me, as my mother tittered around making concerned noises. As if something like THAT would ever go on with Harry and I, REALLY!   
  
"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked once we were safely inside my bedroom.   
  
"I suppose about, you know, about everything...why you left," He muttered looking uncomfortable. I got that nasty guilt in the pit of my stomach.   
  
"Well, that was, uh, direct," I stuttered in a choked voice that was attempting to be light.   
  
"Sorry,"   
  
"No, it's ok... I suppose I owe it to you," I looked up out my window; the one Ron had flown through only twenty four hours ago. "I didn't mean for it to be personal Harry, It just, I suppose it just got to be too hard." I looked up at him to see how he was taking this.   
  
"Right, too much," He mumbled and he looked slightly angry. I swallowed hard. How could I say that it was too much for me? This was Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, The Man Who Conquered. If it was too hard for anyone, it was too hard for him. And he took it; he took it because that was his life.   
  
"I'm sorry, I mean, I know for you it was worse..." I was stuttering.   
  
"I've been wanting to ask you since you left, I suppose it's not a very, erm, proper question," Harry explained apologetically. I bit my lip trying to think of something to say, something to redeem myself. "It's just...Ron and I, we figured... well, we thought it may have been... well... our fault..." His voice was getting quieter and quieter as Harry's often did when he got put-out.   
  
"Harry, it wasn't-" I said. But that's the thing, in a way; it sort of was there fault. Which, really, is awful because they never meant for it to be that way, and I feel like such a bad person blaming them, but... Sometimes, you just had to wonder, if I hadn't been the girl to run into that bathroom back in my first year, if I hadn't been friends with Harry... Well, it's awful to say, but all of that horrible stuff, wouldn't have happened to me. But sometimes I think I could even handle all of that, if that had been it, if it had just been the Boy Who Lived verses You-know-who stuff, then I might have stayed, I might have been ok, but HE had to be there too.   
  
Ron did. He had to tell me right after I realized that love was nothing but pain and hurt, that he thought we should get married. Just like that. No big deal. 'Hermione I think we should get married.' And when I told him no, he got angry at me! Told me that I owed it to HIM to marry him!   
  
"It was hard for us, one day we're all sitting together, and the next morning you're gone, no note or anything..." I was starting to feel incredibly childish. I had left because it was too hard, and in the process made it harder for Harry who already had it the worst of us all. I really wanted to make it up to him, but I was still afraid, afraid to be trapped in again.   
  
"I'm sorry." I said looking up at him.   
  
"I am too. I guess Ron and I were kind of hard on you, and now... I'm not making it any better," He said in a lighter voice. "Just..." He trailed off biting his bottom lip. "Could you, just... Try and maybe talk it out with Ron... He covers it up pretty well but ever since you left... Well, he's just had some problems." I stared at Harry concernedly.   
  
Problems?   
  
"Yeah, ok, I'll talk to him," I promised. Harry nodded and then grinned.   
  
"Want to go out for lunch?" He asked.   
  
~  
  
We went to a little restaurant that mostly sold sandwiches. And it was nice. After our awkward conversation back in my bedroom, everything seemed lighter, more like it was back at Hogwarts, before things got really bad.  
  
"So tell me, what girl is fawning over you lately?" I asked after we had a heated discussion about whether turkey or ham was better on sandwiches. A slight tinge of pink went into his cheeks.   
  
"Well, no one really, I mean no one in the muggle world even knows who I am, I get fan mail sometimes, but mostly all that gets sent to my house with Sirius," He said taking a large gulp of coke.   
  
"So you and Ginny..." I trailed off pointedly. He sighed.   
  
"Uh, well, I want to, you know, get back together with her, but... Well, I made some pretty big mistakes with her-"   
  
"Harry, I'm sure if you just explain that you only broke it off with her because you were afraid for her safety..." I trailed off at Harry's shaking head.   
  
"It's not all that either," He said taking a long breath, as if bracing himself, "She's got a boyfriend."   
  
And that's when I knew how to make it up to Harry.   
  
~  
  
We were just leaving the restaurant when the song came on. First the three guitar cords and then a long drawn out:   
  
'This Lullaby..." I breathed in shakily and let out a long breath.   
  
"You ok Hermione?" Harry asked eyeing me strangely. I nodded. But deep down I realized that now there was no way out. As that lullaby plays on I get more and more trapped into my old life....  
  
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That was a bit of a short chapter, and Ron didn't make any appearances, sorry. But I hope you guys like it anyways!   
Sorry this took so long for me to add. 


	7. Passionate Problems

Chapter 7: Passionate Problems   
  
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"Wait a second, you, the girl who claims love is just an excuse for pain, wants to help two people get back together?" Lane asked raising her eyebrows.   
  
"Basically, yeah," I muttered.   
  
"And that's why you called us out here? So that you could tell us your friend from that private school is coming to visit and your going to set her up?" Charlotte asked yawning.   
  
"I didn't call you guys out here, Nicole did," I said accusingly. We all turned to look at Nicole, who was fixing her lipstick.   
  
"I called you guys to come here, so that I could tell you, I got us all dates," Nicole said before closing here eyes and bracing herself for our replies.   
  
"No way," Lane said. I just shook my head like normal and Charlotte started rambling about how she promised her Mother that she'd help her go shopping for a birthday present for her aunt.   
  
"Guys, come on, it's been summer for almost a full month now, and we've been just sitting around. It's time to have some fun, have a couple summer flings, SOMETHING," Nicole said moving from her lipstick to her eye shadow.  
  
"Well, who are they?" Charlotte asked taking a long gulp of her coke.   
  
"There these guys from this great band," I started panicking immediately. Band?   
  
"NO!" I yelled and Nicole rolled her eyes.   
  
"I know, you have a no musician rule, but these guys are really hot, their band is called Sinkerbait." I let out a sigh of relief.   
  
"Oh," I mumbled and Lane looked at me suspiciously.   
  
"I thought you were talking about the Marauders. And I was talking to one of the guys in it and....yeah," I explained.   
  
"Oh, there good, but there kind of old news, Sinkerbait is the new thing," Nicole said smiling widely.   
  
"When is this date you set up for all of us?" Lane asked pulling a pencil out from behind her ear and shoving a handful of jellybeans in her mouth.   
  
"This weekend," Nicole said in that strange way people do when there mouth is open because there putting mascara on. Lane started penciling it in to her pocket calendar, fitting it in between photo shoots, (She was a model for some brand of makeup) and an interview with the dean of admissions at Oxford.   
  
"I'm not sure," Charlotte said crunching a few of her chips. She had a thoughtful look on her face, obviously remembering the last date Nicole had set up, in which she'd gotten the shy guy that started shaking when he got nervous, and managed to spill his beer on her, along with half a plate of salad.   
  
"Come on, it'll be better then last time, I swear, besides he guy your with is a football player, goalie I think," Nicole said grinning proudly as charlotte gave in. "What about you Herm?"  
  
"I would, really, but I already have plans," I lied.   
  
"Really, what?" Nicole asked, obviously knowing that I was lying.   
  
"Uh, well, that thing with my friend Ginny," I reminded her.   
  
"So get her over here in the next two days, and set her and this guy-friend of yours up for the same night." Nicole muttered as if it were the obvious way to solve the problem.   
  
"It's not that easy," I said stubbornly.   
  
"Oh come on, Hermione, it might be fun," Lane coaxed. I sighed.   
  
"Unless you have it bad for someone else," Charlotte added raising her eyebrows. I glared at her.   
  
"Fine, I'll do it," I finally agreed reluctantly. Nicole smiled, satisfied with her attempt to get us to have a "fun" summer.   
  
~  
  
"Granger, he's coming, AGAIN," Nell groaned as Ron came back for the fifth time that day insisting that we should take our dinner breaks together.   
  
"Ron, I swear, when I get my break, I'll come over and get you," I snapped before he could ask, yet again, if I was on break yet.   
  
"I know, I know, I just wondered where you wanted to go," He said smiling.   
  
"I don't care, but I'm going to get fired if you keep-" I was almost yelling at this point. Ron raised his hand, palm facing me, like policemen do when telling a car to stop.   
  
"Relax," He cooed. Which really only made me angrier then I already was.   
  
"And your going to get fired too if you don't actually spend some TIME in the one-hour-photo," I pointed out. He waved his stop-sign-hand dismissively.   
  
"They wouldn't fire me, they love me there," He gave me a winning grin, I scowled at him and he sighed, his face going from grin to dejection.   
  
"I just want to make sure you don't back-out on me, it wouldn't be the first time," His voice was almost bitter.   
  
"Ron, please, can we talk about this later?" I hissed.   
  
"I didn't mean to let the others hear about our 'Thing' in your room. Your not mad at me about that, are you?" His voice was low and serious.   
  
"No!" I snapped, "I just don't want to get fired-"   
  
"Because Harry said he mentioned something about it the other day and you just sort of sidestepped it. And so I hope your not mad about it, and I hope you don't start ignoring me again-" He was talking quite fast now, but even though I was only catching bits of what he was saying he still managed to make me feel miserably guilty.   
  
"Hermione, just take your damn break, in fact just leave, I'll cover for you," Nell finally snapped. I smiled at her thankfully and pulled Ron out the door.   
  
"I'm not mad at you," I said as he pulled me into the big white van that their band traveled in.   
  
"Good," He said grinning. He pulled his wand out of his jacket pocket and snapped it at the ignition, which started, then he got in the seat, and the van started driving itself. "Outside the van it looks like I'm driving, so we don't freak anyone out," He explained. I nodded sliding into the seat next to him.   
  
The ride over was annoyingly silent, except for the mindless humming of random tunes, compliments of Ron Weasley. I wanted to say something, I really did, but I just couldn't think of anyway to bring up what I wanted to talk with him about.   
  
His problems...  
  
"Where are we going?" I finally asked. He turned and looked at me still humming.   
  
"You'll see," he mumbled. I sighed and he went back to his humming.   
  
He snapped out his wand, pointing it at the brake, as the van pulled into the driveway of the yellow house that he lived in.   
  
"We're eating HERE?" I asked as he got out, ran around to the other side of the van, opened my door and pulled me out.   
  
"Well, you said something about wanting to talk, and here we can be alone, so-"   
  
"Ron, I JUST want to talk, nothing more," I said quickly. He nodded.   
  
"I know, just talk," He muttered reassuringly, but the look in his eyes was scaring me a bit. He grabbed my hand again and started leading me inside, as if I were incapable of going anywhere without someone else leading me. He stopped halfway there, bending down to pluck two dandelions from a dead-looking patch of grass. He put the dandelions in a small glass cup, halfway full of water when we got inside, and set them on the table.   
  
"So, what are we talking about?" He asked pulling some things out of the refrigerator.   
  
"Uh, well, I was talking to Harry..." I sort of trailed off as he nodded; I walked up behind him and stood on my tiptoes to peer over his shoulder at what was now sizzling on the stove. "What are you making?" I asked. He set the spatula down next to the stove and turned around grinning.   
  
"My specialty, French toast," He said wiping a strand of hair out of my face, "And the only thing I've figured out how to cook yet," He added. I smiled rolling my eyes as he turned back around and picked the spatula back up. "So what are we talking about, other then my fabulous cooking?"   
  
"Well, Harry said something about how..." I took a deep breath, feeling suddenly nervous, why was I bringing this up? Everything was fine, why did I have to bring up bad news?   
  
"About...?" Ron prompted.   
  
"Um, problems," I ended. He looked back at me over his shoulders, his eyebrows drawn together in serious thought.   
  
"What sort of problems was he telling you about?" He asked in the low serious voice that he only used in very serious situations. I wished I hadn't said anything that I had just left well enough alone.   
  
"Well, he didn't really tell me what KIND of problems they were, just that there were some," I explained. He nodded and then turned back to the sizzling toast.   
  
"So now you want ME to tell you about my problems?" He asked, but his voice wasn't playful, like it normally was.   
  
"Um, well, I suppose I just wanted to apologize, if the problems are my fault," I mumbled.   
  
"They are partly," He said his voice dropping in temperature.   
  
"Well, I'm sorry," I started walking back to the little table, that had a large crack going down the center, and one leg shorter then the others.   
  
"Are you?" He asked looking over at me. He caught my gaze for a second and raised an eyebrow before looking away, to pile the toast onto two plates, one paper, one plastic.   
  
"Well, yeah," He looked back over at me.   
  
"Were you sorry you left before we came to find you?" He asked his voice rising in volume.   
  
"I was, but I had to go," I said matching his volume. And I was sorry.   
  
"Because of me, right?" the words were so sharp they cut through me like a knife.  
  
"I didn't understand anything anymore, everything changed," I said a bit shakily.   
  
"Even me, and Harry?" He asked sharply.   
  
"Especially you and Harry!" I shouted, but it came out with a little sob. He walked over to the table setting the plastic one in front of me and the paper one in front of himself.   
  
"I don't want to make you cry," He whispered leaning towards me and pressing his thumb against my cheek, catching a single tear. He turned sitting down and handed me a fork.   
  
I was so angry at him then. I'm not quite sure why, but I was. I was so angry at him. And, I suppose, I was angry at myself. I was angry that me leaving had affected him, I was angry that him being affected, had affected me.   
  
"You've made me cry before why is this time any different?" I spat. It was so cold of me. So awful, I'm ashamed I even thought it, but it came out. Especially after he had stopped the yelling, how was it that I had started it again, me, the mature one?   
"You really don't understand, do you?" He asked fire blazing in his eyes. He stared at me eyes narrowed, as if not only looking at me, but looking in me. I shivered and he looked away shaking his head.   
  
"Why don't you tell me then?" I asked, my voice sounded strangely loud almost like it was echoing. He turned looking at me, and took a long bite of toast chewing slowly and thinking.   
  
"Why don't you explain to me why you left?" He asked. I bit my lip, and he ran his hand through his hair, our renowned symbols of nervousness.   
  
"I already told you, everything changed after the war, everything is still changed," I finally answered. He was staring at me in this exasperated way, and I knew he wanted more, but I just didn't know what to tell him.  
  
In truth, I wasn't even quite sure all my reasons for leaving, I just knew that after I saw them in all that pain, and after all those people died, that I didn't want to be there anymore. That I wanted to be a regular girl, with a regular life, a life that wouldn't let me down every time I turned around. I didn't want to be so close to anyone, especially male, to break my heart, to make me want to settle like my mother had. But I couldn't say all that to Ron, I just couldn't.   
  
"You remember that room, the one with the dementors?" Ron asked breaking my train of thought and brining me back to the present. I nodded, shivering again. "I dream about that room, every night since you left, I've dreamed about that room, about what I saw, and the worst part is, I know why I saw it, but I can't do anything about it."   
  
I was lost. I didn't understand, what did me leaving have to do with what he saw in that room. I had always just figured what he saw had to do with a massive amount of spiders he had come in contact with in his second year, but what did that have to do with me?   
  
"Why aren't you eating?" He asked breaking another of the long silences that were all too common in our conversation.   
  
"Um, I'm not very hungry, I'm thinking," I explained sheepishly. We sat in silence a while longer, while I considered what he had said, and what I had said. It just didn't make sense. I suppose I looked confused though, because then he explained, in this serious, nervous voice that reminded me of back when he was a boy and he wanted to tell me something, but was too embarrassed to just say it.   
  
"Hermione, I saw you in that room. I saw every time you were angry at me. Every time I made you cry, every time you were in danger... I saw you.... and then you left."   
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Ok, another chapter is coming soon, don't worry. I know, I kinda left this one hanging. But another one is coming!  
  
Please drop me a note! 


	8. Author's Note

Author's note: Hey, my computer crashed, but don't worry, I will get another chapter up as soon as I can, thanks for all the reviews, and keep them coming! They are very helpful!   
  
Also, I may start up some new fics, so keep an eye out for upcoming stuff by me! :) 


	9. Reluctant Resolutions

Chapter 8: Reluctant Resolutions  
  
We just sat there staring at each other, for God knows how long. Me getting that guilty feeling again, the one that was so fierce it burned. And I wanted to leave again, but it was different, because I didn't want to leave HIM I wanted to leave the tension between us, I just wanted everything, all the bad between us to seep away and I wanted him and me to just be together, be happy, be friends.   
  
"I shouldn't have told you that," He finally said breaking the eye contact and running a hand through his hair. I didn't know how to reply. I really didn't, I felt so dumb, how did I let this happen?  
  
"Friends are supposed to tell each other that sort of thing, I suppose," I mumbled, which was pretty dumb, considering all the things I hadn't told him or Harry. He squinted at me and sort of grinned a little.   
  
"What do you mean by that?" He asked. That's when I started to feel it I suppose, that great sweeping of stupidity on my part. Why the hell had I said that? WHY?   
  
"I just mean, you can tell me whatever you want," I stammered. He raised an eyebrow.   
  
"What about you? Will you tell me what's going on?" He asked pointedly. I shifted uncomfortably. And I suppose that's when it happened, I mean, I didn't want to tell him, but I didn't want him mad at me and he was staring at me in this way and... And I suppose I'm making a lot of bollocks excuses for what I did. I just grabbed him and kissed him... AGAIN.   
  
It was different then the time before though, it was longer and... I can't think of a good word, rougher I suppose. I could feel him against me begging for more, in a way that I'd never felt before. And it was nice in a way, but too much. I didn't want to fully go under... Not yet.   
  
He growled, low in the back of his throat when I broke away, and cursed lightly under his breath.   
  
"Look, that was great, I mean... I liked it, but you can't just DO that, and then go on as if nothing happened," He panted staring at my ducked head. "I won't touch you until you give me the signal, but once you do... Damn, sometimes I can't stop myself... Not with you."   
  
I didn't know what to say. How did I let this happen? AGAIN? I was mentally screaming at myself when I remembered something Nicole had said, something about how we should be able to have meaningless flings our last summer before college, and then I was looking up at him, in his sweet, and somehow at the same time fiery blue eyes, and I was thinking, maybe a fling could work, maybe. And I just smiled. A tiny smile, just the edges of my lips curving up, and then he smiled back, in that same sweet lopsided way that he always had and we both knew.   
  
He knew that I had said yes, and I knew that I had said yes, and it was ok. Everything was ok. His strong calloused hand reached up and smoothed over my cheek and I could have sworn he whispered: "Thank-you," Ever so lightly, between his teeth.   
  
"And I don't want no red tomato I just want my sweet potato!" Loud male voices chorused as the door swung open. Ron and I leaped apart, in a way that reminded me affectionately of our childhood at Hogwarts.   
  
"That's our new song, it's not finished yet," He explained as Harry, Dean and Seamus crashed through the door to the kitchen.  
  
"Oh, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," Seamus said, as he stepped into the kitchen, he turned around and made a face to the other two which smirked.   
  
"We just got off work," Harry explained, following Seamus into the kitchen and falling into a chair by the table.   
  
"Oh," Ron replied glancing up at the clock hanging diagonally over the refrigerator. A regular muggle one. For a second I missed the Weasley clock, and then remembered what went along with the Weasley clock and everything else in the wizarding world... "We've been here for nearly two hours," He said amazed. I was too, it hadn't seemed that long, but I suppose with all the time we let go by with awkward silence, plus the drive here...   
  
"So, what were you two... Doing?" Harry asked. I shot him a look, which he returned with an innocent smile.   
  
"Talking," I said starkly. He cocked his head to one side quizzically. And Dean sniggered.   
  
"And we ate," I added looking at my, now cold, plate of French toast, which I had hardly touched. Harry, Dean and Seamus's eyes all flew to the plate hungrily.   
  
"I'm full," I muttered, pushing it forward, where it was devoured by the three boys. Ron caught my eye, looking slightly smug as he muttered something about his "Famous" toast.   
  
"We've got a gig this Saturday night where we're debuting it, at the club, you should come," Ron said slowly.   
  
"Um, sure," I agreed totally forgetting the date with Sinkerbait that I had agreed to for the same night. Ron grinned as if he'd just won the lottery... Of course he would never smile like that if he won the lottery... because he didn't know what the lottery was... but you get the point.   
  
I looked away from Ron that trapped feeling sinking into my stomach. Harry was watching me with a small smile on his face. He knew.   
  
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"I am not singing that prissy song, no way," Dean said heatedly shaking his head.   
  
"You don't have to sing it, I do the singing around here, remember? You just have to PLAY it." Ron countered. Dean glared.   
  
"It's not our style," Seamus agreed on Dean's side.   
  
"Since when do we have a style?" Harry piped in.   
  
"What do you think Hermione?" Ron asked loudly over the fighting.   
  
"No fair asking her, the song is practically ABOUT her!" Dean yelled. I sunk backwards into the old couch with a large tear in the seat. Ron's face turned a vibrant shade of red as he stuttered about how it wasn't about anyone in particular.   
  
"Oh right, you mean, 'hair wild as the wind floating across your face' has nothing to do with Hermione?" Dean asked flinging his arms out. Ron jumped up lunging toward Dean, only to be stopped by Harry, as usual.  
  
"How about we try playing it once more, maybe up the tempo a bit or something, add some more bass in, and then decide," Harry suggested. It took a bit of convincing but eventually Dean and Seamus reluctantly picked up their guitars and Harry climbed behind his drum set.   
  
"I can't be your angel now  
I've tried to save you but I don't know how  
You've fallen away leaving tears in your place   
Through the idle air I grasp the image of your face  
Your eyes can be condescending and cold  
You hurt me so much I want to fold..."   
  
I felt like I was going to be sick. How could someone write a song like that about me? How could I let myself hurt someone that much. I felt the stinging sensation in the corners of my eyes, and new tears were coming as that velvety voice sang on.   
  
"...Lost in your mesmerizing presence  
Dreams of hell, wishes of heaven  
I love you still even though you're my grave  
Love me back so I don't cave-"   
  
"My God that's fruity," Seamus said and Ron stopped turning around making rude hand gestures toward him.   
  
"I'm sorry, but we cannot sing that at our next gig," Dean agreed. Ron glanced back at me, and I avoided his eyes.   
  
"I spent three bloody weeks writing it!" Ron groaned.   
  
"Well stop wasting your time," Dean said. To which Ron scowled.   
  
"I'm going to dinner," Ron said grabbing a hat off the coffee table (The cowboy one) then he turned and held a hand out to me, which I took, avoiding the suspicious looks from the other boys in the room.   
  
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Ron threw his hands up and sighed as he sat down in one of the chairs, at the café he drove us to. He had been silent the entire drive over.   
  
"I'm sorry," He finally said, with a pained expression on his face. I narrowed my eyes, surprised.   
  
"Why?" I asked he met my eyes.   
  
"That song, I mean, they wouldn't let me finish... You were crying," He said it in a very low quiet voice that I had to lean forward to hear. I looked away trying to concentrate on not starting to cry again.   
  
"Look, I was really mad at you for a while, but at the end of the song-"   
  
"Don't apologize, I probably deserve it," I hissed. His hand found it's way under my chin and he tipped my head up so that I'd be forced to look at him. His eyes were serious, a look in them that I've seen twice, that night we conquered Voldermort and he night after when he told me he thought we should get married.   
  
"You only ran because I drove you away," Were the words that came out of his mouth, although the voice wasn't his. It made me want to cry again.   
  
"That night... Everything just changed, I couldn't even look at you or Harry after what happened," The words came out in a hoarse strained voice. The images came to my mind in a hoarse strained way too I suppose.   
  
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We had made it past all of them, all of his armies of terrible creatures, the vampires, dementors, werewolves, even dragons. And there he was sitting in the ring with all the miniature hologram like people, whose minds he had taken over, the people he was killing to strengthen himself.   
  
We did the spell, the one that Sirius, Dumbledore, Snape and Lupin had written for us. The one that focused all of our strengths into one (Harry) It should have been so perfect. Ron had the wit and passion mixed with my brains and integrity, mixed with Harry's nobility and strength. Ron and I had hit the ground all our strength, all our strength washed away, like we were in a lethargic state, not knowing whether we were dreaming or not.   
  
They battled, there wands connecting, I can still see his face through Harry's eyes, the face that at first was young, with flashing eyes and a dark hair but then as they battled on it changed to a milky greenish face with slits for a nose and red bulbous eyes that seemed to pierce right through.   
  
Harry was winning. And then it happened. Their wands disconnected, and he cursed me. Cursed my almost lifeless body.   
  
And I saw it. Every person that had ever insulted me, ever yelled at me, or rolled there eyes at me, over and over again, "know-it-all!" "Mudblood!" over again the fierce looks of anger flashing through there eyes. Each one was worse then the other. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, a burning pain was jetting through my body and I new it would all be over soon, and I wanted it to all be over, and then the images stopped.   
  
I could see through Harry's eyes Ron's body lying there on top of my unconscious body, shielding me from the curse.   
  
But I wasn't grateful, I was angry, furious at all of the times he had rolled his eyes at me, insulted me, yelled at me, I had wanted to go and he wouldn't let me.   
  
In the end we both passed out, Ron and I, from spending too much time out of ourselves. I woke up three days later, Harry was still out cold, but Ron was awake, he was sitting by my bedside staring down at me nervously. They had force woken him, because of all the yelling he had done in his sleep.   
  
And now he was there. And I couldn't forget all the pain he had inflicted on me. I was furious. And we were both crying. Happy that good had won, but also a mixed anger, nervousness, rage, circulated the air.   
  
"I realize something now," He had said once we had stopped crying.   
  
"What?" I had sobbed.  
  
"I think we should get married..."   
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Ahh, finally some background. And angst, angst, angst. But who doesn't like a good angst fic? Oh, and the song Ron wrote, is actually part of a poem my friend wrote, so I don't own that bit, He does.   
  
Please review! 


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